Received this email the other day:

hi, I have a problem. I was interested in this guy until I recently discovered something. I found out that he was dating some girl, and when I confronted him about it he completely denied even being in a relationship, and what is worse is that none of his friends know about this girl. He keeps trying to “get to know me better” and he’s been at it for about 8 months now, but frankly I do not trust him anymore. My question is why do men lie like that? and also how is it that men are able to just deny and hide being in a relationship from not only other women, but also their friends? isn’t it unfair on the other girl?

The truth is, guys are naturally attracted to many girls at one time… in fact, a lot of our “social value” to other guys is how much interaction we have with other women whether it be the ability to pick a girl up at a bar, how much “inbound interest” a guy receives, how often a guy even just hangs out with girls, etc.  Some guys tend to manage all of that in a respectful way, looking to only “get to know someone better” one at a time. But others get caught up in how much better they look to other guys by how many girls he can juggle and keep interested at one time… or in this case, he seems to value his OWN social value by how many girls he can keep interested, rather than the quality of one girl’s interest.  But remember, a well-balanced guy will always value the relationship of his friends as higher or at least equal to the relationship of any girl he is with. How a guy is viewed by his friends (or even other guys in general) is SUPREMELY important to him.

I don’t think the act of lying about involvement with someone else is consistent among all guys, but rather a trait of this guy specifically (you said he seems to even hide this girl from his friends).  But regardless of who is doing it or why, lying is unfair to everyone involved and to be honest, his tendency to lie probably won’t change much over the years. When people SHOW you who they are, believe them! Actions speak louder than words! Insert additional cliche encouraging phrase here!

Hope this helps. Best of luck!